Lesson 50

Lesson 50 essentially is a lesson in living a simpler life, rejecting materialism and ego.

Today thankfully has been straight forward. I do absolutely nothing to impress anyone. I find the concept of being materialist odd and I would always make a choice for myself never to how it looks to a group of friends or peers.

I know many people who have bought a certain brand of car because they think it will improve their status within their friendship circle. Has it made their friends like them more? I doubt it and to be absolutely honest a friend who only accepts you on your material wealth is not a friend worth having.

What I do need to do though to lead a simpler life is to slow down, I have such a hectic schedule, I'm always dashing from one moment to another and I need to appreciate the moment I'm in and enjoy it rather than thinking about what is next.

The day after my birthday myself and a group of ten of my closest friends went out for a celebratory lunch. Sometimes these get togethers can last a couple of hours and other times into the night. Purposefully I didn't plan anything for the rest of the day and I just enjoyed the moment and it worked. I savoured every moment and I had a blooming good time. Lesson learnt, now all I need to do is keep applying it!

Lesson 49

Today's lesson is all about listening to your inner voice rather than listening to the voice of your ego. The voice of the ego will always be noisy and thinking about what is best to serve it whereas the inner voice will be more peaceful and calming. I think of it like an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

Obviously the idea is to listen to the calming voice in every situation. Again this is all fine when you are in an environment where there is no aggression or upset.

Only the other day I was in a mobile phone shop politely and calmly asking for help as my phone had suddenly stopped working. The shop assistant was clearly rushed off his feet and stressed and treated me in an appalling way, he was rude and didn't help me at all. As a reaction to this I let my ego take over and I was upset.

Looking back now I can see his attitude wasn't anything to do with me, it was his problem and I at the time should have recognised he was struggling with his job and his words and his unhelpful manner were nothing to do with me.

At that time I should have slowed down and thought about what was happening and not wasted time being upset.

Next time I'm in an environment where I feel the ego voice screaming at me I am going to listen to the peaceful inner voice and I'm sure the outcome will be a lot better.

Lesson 48

Lesson 48 is all about understanding that there is nothing to fear. If everything happens for a reason then there's even purpose for the bad stuff.

Now this is where I start becoming frustrated. Bad stuff does exist. Really, really bad stuff happens every day. I'm not talking about normal day to day dramas but I mean the horrible, barbaric nastiness that occurs.

Yes of course for example if your husband of twenty years turns around and tells you he is leaving you, that will hurt but you will look back in so many years and realise that it was for the best. But I am talking about events which you will never recover from. Losing a child, a whole family being wiped out in a terror attack or a natural disaster that kills everyone you ever loved and destroyed your whole community. It's a cliche but it's just like when someone questions the existence of God when such heartbreaking events occur.

In a way I do agree, for the vast majority of us there is nothing to fear, but I feel slightly let down by today's lesson.

I don't like to think in such a negative fashion and I am working so hard to find positives in every situation and I certainly have made progress and am striving to make even more improvements, but today's lesson has set me back, I need to feel confident in the teachings not this feeling of annoyance.  

Lesson 47

I've had a couple of days away from the lessons, I've had two days of celebrating my 40th birthday and I felt I wouldn't put all my efforts into the lessons and only have to repeat them!

I'm back now and feel determined more than ever for the positive changes to keep coming.

Today's lesson us all about strength. When I first read the topic of the lesson I thought about the strength I have personally and that varies from day to day and even sometimes from hour to hour. Reading the lesson further it states that the strength you should believe in isn't actually your own strength but the strength of source which will be there for you. It is so difficult to put your trust into something you can not see, touch or hold. It takes a huge leap of faith to totally believe there is some energy which is looking after us and our best interests.

I'm not there yet, but I'm prepared to carry on and see where it takes me and my beliefs.

Lesson 46

Lesson 46 is about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an act that will heal you, the feelings you hold before forgiveness will only serve to bring negativity whereas the person you have or haven't forgiven will still be oblivious to your inner thoughts, so the only one to truly suffer is you.

Wayne Dyer in many of his books explains you can only give what you have. So if you are full of love and kindness you can give plenty of that away. Equally if you are free of anger and hatred you won't have any to give and will find it straightforward to remain calm. Everyone knows someone who always stays calm in all situation and absolute nothing gets on top of them, well that person doesn't have any of those negative feelings within them so simply they can't give away something they don't have!

I am good at forgiving it's the forgetting I am terrible at!

Tomorrow is a big day for me personally, I turn 40. There are lots of celebrations planned this week, but most of all I am using the milestone to be a platform for lots of changes.

Lesson 45

Today's lesson has been some what uncomfortable. The objective of today has been exploring thoughts and thoughts are exactly what I am trying to move on from. I am trying to live in the moment and so far that has been successful.

Thinking about what got me here and fears I still have I am trying not to think about and not giving those feelings time in my mind.  So revisiting my worries has been difficult. My energy is high and my mood is positive but I still feel like the slightest thing could set me back so although I have done today's lesson I haven't thought about it for the majority of the day or dwelled and pondered on its meaning or benefit to me.

Instead I have been filling the day with gratitude. I find if you see the good in a situation and ignore the bad then it's a good situation and you can turn it around. Staying positive is blooming hard, obviously we can all smile and pretend everything is ok, but the hard part is really feeling it deep down inside your tummy and holding it there all day. At the moment I'm in the mindset that if I can keep it more than not then I'm doing ok.

Lesson 44

Lesson 44 concentrates again on light. I love the line in the instructions 'you can't see in darkness' I personally can't do anything in darkness, it's very difficult to function in darkness. The only alternative is to be in the light. There is no other way. 

One of my main objectives currently is to stay in the moment. Today I was having a lovely time in the park with my son and my dog and I suddenly had a moment. I out of the blue had a number of thoughts....would this be any better if I had a different job? If I had more disposable income? If I had better quality clothes on? If my dog was a designer breed? (He's actually a rescued street dog from Romania!) or if we were going on an exotic holiday next week? The answer obviously is no, that moment could not be improved on at all. It was perfect, my son was happy on the swings, on the slide and climbing frame, my dog was chilling in the shade and I was happy to be in the sunshine. 

That has given me inspiration. I tried so hard all day to stop any thoughts, worry or fears about the past or the future and it has worked. I have been calm and very satisfied by my sunny Saturday. 

I honestly feel I am turning a corner, it's possibly going to be a long steady corner, but even so I am moving in the right direction.

Lesson 43

Lesson 43 continues on the same theme of separation, letting go of problems and putting trust that things will work.

I took my son to his first Karate lesson today and seeing his enthusiasm and concentration made me wonder when was the last time I went into anything with that attitude. Children don't start new projects fearing the worst, they go with the flow and enjoy the moment. My sons face when he was shown even the most basic karate moves was priceless. The first thing he said to me after the lesson was 'I can't wait to go back next week'. When in life did I start to worry that things will go wrong before they do? When in life did I stop enjoying just the moment? Is it something you lose as an adult or is it when your ego takes over?

I am working hard at not listening to my ego. When analysing our lives it is so easy to see that listening to your ego is the root of all upset and desperation and vow not to do it, but in reality when something happens to upset you or puts you off balance the ego screams at you and it is so strong it fights to take over.

The key is to remain balanced at all times, it's easy to do when everything is going well, the challenge is when something you perceive as not going so well pops up to keep the ego, which will be screaming at you to take over, away from your mind.

All this on paper is straight forward and so obvious but in reality it is very difficult but a challenge I am willing to work at.

Lesson 42

Today's lesson revolves around strength. Obviously Strength of mind rather than physical strength. The lesson also introduces the idea of vision.

Strength and vision are two concepts that I am pleased I am working towards. I often think I am strong and then as something upsets my balance I go on a downward spiral. Vision is also a concept I like to think I am good at but as soon as my vision isn't realised I soon become frustrated.

I need to address my impatience, it is something I absolutely know is my down fall. I have never been very good at waiting for anything, I often think if it doesn't happen right away there's time for it to go wrong or for people involved to change their minds. I need to slow down in general, I like so many other people today, rush from one thing to another rarely take time to enjoy the moment or reflect on what's happened.

I am trying to do less without feeling I'm not enjoying life. I'm no longer seeing unplanned weekends as a failure on my behalf. I like to be busy but has that made me impatient or am I covering up that if I actually stand still and reflect for long enough I may not like it.

I'm certainly slowing down the pace, I'm meditating more, I'm sleeping more and I'm trying very hard to let go and trust what will be, will be.  

Lesson 41

Today's lesson explores the idea of separation. It's something I have heard discussed so many times before, Abraham Hicks speaks of it frequently as did Dr Wayne Dyer. Separation is the feeling of being away from your source. If you believe that energy is with you at all times then you can't feel bad you can only feel good.

I think my bad moods which having been coming in waves recently are because my belief, despite the daily lessons, is wavering. I am an impatient person, it's one of my many flaws, and as I'm not seeing dramatic result constantly I am becoming frustrated and I'm even thinking am I wasting my time and is this all totally pointless.

Today's lesson brought me back to focus though. I really embraced the mantra of the day and read the lesson over and over again. There are comforting words of encouragement and even recognition that I may not believe everything that is being told. I just have to trust my journey.

I have been reading a lot recently about 'ego' and the articles just seem to appear in front of me rather than me seeking them out. I just stumbled across an article today about guardian angles and even that spoke of ego! I think this is my source telling me to let go of my ego, that's what is causing me all my anguish and fear. Letting go is difficult, I sometimes think putting your ego first is addictive and by admitting that daily issues aren't really an issue but just a dent in your ego is not an easy concept to accept. But again I just have to trust the journey.



 

Lesson 40

Today's lesson involves saying a positive affirmation every 10 minutes throughout the whole day. Although every 10 minutes is a little extreme and the lesson even admits that I have been trying to do it as often as possible.

The idea of today's lesson is to improve your mood, to move you up the emotional scale.

My mood is being stubborn today, I don't know why, I don't even think there is a real reason why. I just feel stuck, that's the only way I can really describe it. I'm turning 40 next week and I'm reflecting on that a lot. Obviously age is just a number and I am lucky that I have achieved so much so far in my life, but turning the big 4-0 is bothering me. I'm obviously looking forward to all the celebrations and I am having many but once they have passed what then?

Is this normal for a women? I'm certainly not vain so being physically older is not a worry for me, is it a mental decline I am concerned about or is it that I feel I haven't achieved enough so far. To be honest can't put my finger on it. All I do know is this feeling has to go otherwise my journey could be in tatters.

Lesson 39

Today's lesson asks what is the opposite of guilt.

To begin with I had no real answer, non guilt isn't a real thing, and in the modern world innocence is the opposite. But as an emotion is this really the opposite to guilt. Guilty feelings cling onto our minds and slowly eat away, changing our moods and making us view our daily lives in a totally different way. By shaking off these guilty feelings our minds have freedom, we no longer blame ourselves for actions which in the vast majority of times are way out of our control.

I often look back at events which still cause me anguish and nearly always I am still carrying guilt as a result. Surley if you breakdown these situations it is obvious there is no guilt to be had.

When my son was born he was born with a serious illness which, put harshly, nearly killed him. I carried around guilt for years, I believed as his mother I should have known. Because I spent years feeling guilty I then thought I was not an amazing mother because I was consumed with guilt, it was just spiralling out of control. No one was to blame, certainly not me, medical professionals missed his illness so did midwives, so how on earth could a first time mum who had a traumatic labour have had spotted it. At the time you could have told me this a thousand times but guilt was such a strong emotion it took over and I blamed myself over and over again.

My interpretation is that freedom of the mind is the opposite of guilt.

Lesson 38

Today's lesson continues with the theme that my mind is holy and I can achieve anything. It obviously takes a huge leap of faith to believe that you can truly fulfil all of your ambitions.

Isn't that just what worry is? A concern that things or a certain situation won't work out. If you honestly had faith that everything around you was working for your own good then you would never worry again. I find my mind is constantly full of worry, possibly less now, but I am always worried that if I'm not worrying about something, some sort of crisis will appear so that I do have something to worry about. My mind constantly tells me it needs to be busy, but so far this strategy has been far from successful, so calming my mind is definitely a priority.

Another priority which is definitely starting to happen is lifting my mood or as Esther Hicks puts it being higher on the emotional scale. I am waking with more positivity and focus for the day ahead and I am preventing myself from sliding down the scale if something which appears to be negative occurs.

I am seeing benefits and slowly seeing an improvement and right now thats all I can ask for.

Lesson 37

I read an article the other day about how our minds must stop worrying. The article suggested a different form of meditation to prevent this. I do meditate, not as often as I would like but I do on a regular basis. This way of meditation is specifically to clear the mind by twice a day sitting for twenty minutes and reciting over and over again any known passage, a poem you know off by heart or a prayer or anything you feel comfortable with. I have to be honest I have only done it twice and already I am seeing results. My mind is so much quieter! I have made a decision that I am to do this twice a day on top of my lessons.

Lesson 37 continues the idea of holiness, I am to look at objects and in a way bless them with my holiness. Now clearly I like most people found this concept slightly strange. The one thing that I am learning during the course of these lessons is that there is no need to understand or even agree with them what is important is the actual doing them which will get the results.

For no real reason or change I feel like today is a turning point for the good, the ACIM book is published by the foundation of inner peace and I really do feel inner peace developing.

Lesson 36

Life is precious.

I woke up this morning to the dreadful and shocking news of the attack in Nice. Two of my closest friends are on holiday just outside Nice and naturally on Bastille Day they could have taken the short drive to watch the fireworks like so many others did. I frantically checked to see if I had a message from either of them, I hadn't so then I checked their Twitter accounts and the last Tweet was sent at about the time of the attack. There was no mention of them attending the fireworks so I calmed down slightly, it took me about 2 hours to clarify they hadn't been anywhere near the attack and they were absolutely fine.

I was so relieved to hear from them and times like these serves as a reminder that anyone of us could leave behind this world at any time or anyone of our loved ones could go in the blink of an eye. I don't want it to sound morbid or depressing but it's a reminder that if you care for someone, tell them.  Don't let stubbornness or petty arguments get in the way of what really matters.

Lesson 36 is about seeing your mind as holiness and without sin. This clearly is a difficult concept because surely everyone has a little bit of sin...but the lesson is adamant you are either sinless or not. Can it be possible for someone to be totally sinless, I'm not even sure if I want to be! But I have chosen to follow these lessons to the letter so I am going with it.

Tomorrows lesson promises to show me the first hint of my true function in the world. This sounds like a big turning point in my journey and after today's roller coaster of emotions, I'm ready!

Lesson 35

Today's Lesson is to explore my mind and examine how I see myself. I can think about positive and negative aspects.

I spent quite sometime thinking about how I perceive myself. This is the list I came up with.

- I see myself as ambitious
- I see myself as impatient
- I see myself as spiritual
- I see myself as erratic
- I see myself as cautious
- I see myself as emotional
- I see myself as a caring
- I see myself as generous
- I see myself as loyal
- I see myself (at times) as a mess
- I see myself as a hard worker

I was pleased I wasn't too hard on myself and I am glad I managed to come up with some positives too. If I done this exercise about a month ago I am sure the list would have been very different.

Across London today I have spotted 'dream jars' they are in association with the film BFG. Various well known people have been asked to design a jar, the jars are made out of clear glass, about 4 foot tall and inside there are various objects. They are now in place across famous London landmarks. It made me think what I would put in my dream jar, I thought about it long and hard and in the end I just thought I would put a heart inside. That's my dream, to feel just love.

Lesson 34

Somehow these lessons are matching my mood and are making me do exactly what my mind needs. I have not been feeling as positive today, I don't really understand why. At times I do think that I am expecting too much from these lessons too soon, I am only 34 days in and it's a year long course, so clearly if the changes happened so quickly the course would be so much shorter.

Lesson 34 is to explore my mind and any thought that isn't peaceful I have to say to myself  'I could see peace in this situation instead of what I now see in it'

I have explored all areas of my life which have been troubling me, I let the thoughts flow, and surprisingly some of the issues I presumed would race into my mind didn't , I have resolved more than I first thought.

I am cutting today short, I am convinced lack of sleep contributes to my negativity energy so I am looking after myself for once and having a good nights rest to recharge my positive energy.

Lesson 33

Lesson 33 is all about accepting there is another way of looking at the world. It's a concept that I am familiar with but in all honesty it is very difficult to do. It's especially hard when it's about someone or something that you really, really care about.

It's along the similar theme of when you lose someone you care about in a relationship. At the time well meaning people tell you 'it obviously wasn't meant to be' or 'you will find someone so much better' but at that moment in time it's the last thing you want to hear and you don't believe it. In time though the well meaning friends are always right. I look back on my relationships and I almost laugh sometimes to think that long term they would have lasted or been what I truly wanted or needed. I often think when a relationship breaks down it's your ego that gets hurt rather than the reality of the relationship not working.

I have a very dear friend who lost his job many years ago and he took it really bad, he was one of those few people in life that loved his work, he never had that Monday morning feeling and thought he would be in the job forever. At the time I tried to offer words of comfort and tell him it will be OK, you will find a new job, but he just couldn't see it as he was so upset. There where times I was genuinely concerned about him. Today he runs his own company and financially is so much better off and he is his own boss and just loves his life.

My point is why at the time of crisis is it so difficult to keep a calm mind and trust things will improve.

I wish I could travel back in time to some points of crisis of my life, give myself a hug and tell myself, 'your worry and upset is a total waste of time, be happy, laugh and look forward to the rest of your life'

Lesson 32

I went back to work today, I've had a week full of fun, rest and plenty of sleep and I certainly haven't had to get up before 3am! Obviously when my alarm went off this morning, it was a bit of a shock.

I decided to say affirmations to myself over and over again to make the transition from holiday mode to work mode easier. I said over and over again 'I am not tired' and 'I am happy to have a job, I am grateful for the money it provides'  Although I did slip up once when someone asked me how I was, I replied in an auto pilot way 'I'm tired' As soon as I said it though I felt bad, it was almost as if a wave of negatively flooded over me. It sounds so bizarre but I actually felt awash with a dirty and negative vibe that threatened to take me off track. It genuinely was that powerful.

Lesson 32 is to tell myself that 'I have invented the world I see'. It's an introduction in exploring cause and effect and also identifying the inner world (your mind) and the outer world are the same. If I let something bother me then it will bother me in my mind and also in the real world. Although it is hard to do, I have tried to stop having feelings of resentment towards certain people, but it's so difficult when the hurt has run so deep. The only way to improve the situation is to change your thinking of it. One person in particular I thought before was being brutal to me, I now think differently about the situation, I actually feel sorry for her, I now understand her anger and dislike of me is her issue and not mine. Her feelings are hers and not mine. I also don't want to be or feel like a victim, I want to feel empowered and the only way you can do this is by taking control of your emotions.

Today all in all has been good, I have gushed to anyone who would listen about how wonderful Dublin is and I have been boring people on how I am itching to return to Ireland as soon as possible.

I am making small steps but my energy is higher than its been in a long while and even though my holiday is over I am radiating positive energy.

Lesson 31

As often as I can I listen to Hay House Radio. It's essentially where Hay House (a publishing company set up by Louise Hay) authors have an hours slot and they talk and they take phone calls from the public. Sometimes there are presenters I have heard of and others I haven't. But each and every one of the presenters are inspirational.

One of the subjects today was about flow, about how your thoughts and mind flow in particular. It was interesting and totally understandable how when our minds are clear, you are just living in the moment and appreciating what you have around you, your flow works better. This is something I have been working on, I've been trying to clear my mind each day. The daily lesson gives me something to focus on and to take my mind off all the other daily worries.

Another discussion today on the radio was talking about not letting your past define you or hold you back. It really was just another way of discussing letting go of anything in the past which has been traumatic or upsetting. There are many examples of where the past holds people back. The most obvious is when you get your heart broken and then not taking the leap of faith into a new relationship which probably will be so much better than the original.

Today's lesson is similar to what I have been listening to today. I have had to say to myself  'I am not the victim of the world I see'. Behind this mantra is release, releasing any past hurt that influences the moment of now.

I'm letting go, albeit slowly, I can feel my mind clearing and the flow becoming easier. In fact daily life is becoming easier, very little bothers me and when I feel anything starting to irritate me, I just breath and tell myself over and over again it will get better and whatever it is will resolve itself.

Lesson 30

Today's lesson is all about the way I visualise the world around me. It is not attempting to be oblivious to anything that I don't like or is upsetting me but to see the world through my mind.

I have been on this journey for over a month and it's certainly opened my eyes on perception. Today I was at my seven year old sons end of season football presentation. Each child was presented with a trophy for various achievements. To each and every seven year old in the room the trophy was so important. Does a seven year old think a trophy is symbolic for all their achievements through out the year? I don't think so. Does a seven year old appreciate the beauty of the trophy? I very much doubt it. Seeing it through their eyes it's winning something and it's being proud of owning a trophy.

Why can't we keep the basic wonder of a child, when does our view of the world change? When do we become fearful and negative about our lives and situations around us?

I am certainly becoming less fearful but it's a shame we don't keep that innocent, positivity and basic views we all held as youngster.

And my view of the trophy, it's ugly but my son adores it and therefore so do I!

Lesson 29

Attitude is everything. When you have a positive mind, when you see the good in everything and believe there's always a way then everything will always work out. It's impossible for it not too because you see the good in the situation.

Negativity is believing that a situation won't work, and if that's what you believe it won't. You are just setting others, the situation and yourself up to fail in your eyes.

Why therefore does it often feel easier to negative. In the long run it clearly isn't...it's obviously disastrous and makes life so much more difficult.

I have been away in Dublin for a few days and I went with the mindset of staying positive and if any situation arises that could be stressful or troubling to keep telling myself it will be resolved. Everything went so well and of course not every moment was perfect but at those times I just let go and the situation resolved it's self. But I have to be honest staying in this mindset still takes effort and doesn't come completely at ease and it's tempting to slip back into old ways.

Lesson 29 is to look at everything around me with love, appreciation and open-mindedness. This is the attitude I have been adopting once the last few days so today's lesson has been relatively straightforward.

Lesson 28

Today's lesson takes me back a couple of weeks when I really didn't understand the reason behind the lesson or why on earth I was doing it.

Today I have had to look around my environment and look at objects and say to myself  'above all else I want to see this differently'

The lesson explains rather than the statement I am making about an object it is the commitment I am saying out loud which is the important part. So I am fulfilling the requirements and getting on with it. What I am finding is that for the lessons I don't understand I am understanding others. When I am understanding them I am putting a lot more of myself into it which I am presuming isn't the correct way.

Commitment is such a large part if this journey, I'm already seeing the benefits so it would be foolish for me not to give it all I have. A mantra I often think about is by Jillian Michaels 'why choose to fail when success is an option'  When there's a choice I choose the positive.

Lesson 27

Every half an hour I have had to say to myself  'above all else I want to see'  There is a challenge within the lesson asking how many times will I remember. Well today has been such a perfect day in Dublin I have forgotten more times than I would like to admit!

I know this course is working and I do want it to change the way my mind works but what I am enjoying the most is the ease of everyday situations. As soon as I feel something is bothering me I let it go. As soon as I feel my stress levels rise I let it go. I am by far invincible and I'm sure there will be many challenges ahead but I have navigated my way through so much already I am feeling empowered.

I usually find large crowds intimidating. I feel uncomfortable when crowds are moving around me. As a result I purposefully went to the Guinness Storehouse as it opened to avoid the masses but in the afternoon we went to the Kilmainham Gaol and we were taken around in a large group. At times the group I was in gathered in small corridors or rooms and I just told myself the feelings I was experiencing weren't real. Although I didn't feel totally comfortable I certainly felt a lot better than I usually would.

Above all else I want to see and I say that with great sincerity.

Lesson 26

Lesson 26 is a return to thinking about attacking thoughts. This time though I am to think about attacking thoughts towards me from others and how it affects me. The purpose of this exercise is to realise attacking thoughts are only able to attack me if I accept them as that. I am only vulnerable if I allow myself to be.

I am still writing in Ireland and I have been spending lots of time speaking to the people who live here and I have witnessed the loveliest of attitudes. There's almost a 'so what, it will work out' way of thinking to a lot of issues and they laugh so much. That ultimately is what I am aiming for.

Today on a tour around Dublin, a tour guide told this story of a 10 foot wall that once was erected around an area of the city to keep the sick people contained. Obviously the sick people didn't like being separated and tried to climb the wall. As a result of so many escapees, men with barge poles were employed to hit the sick people if they planned a bid for freedom. This is where the expression 'I wouldn't touch him with barge pole' comes from.

The image of those sick people climbing a wall stayed with me and if you like me suffer with bad thoughts that just suddenly pop up or thoughts trying to ruin your happy mood then you will understand how that image is exactly what I think is going on in my mind.

Lesson 25

Lesson 25 is all about realising that the decisions we make, we make because of our ego.

I have been very guilty of this in the past and even in recent times. There are so many occasions when I have made a choice simply because I want to be to right or speaking out against something when it isn't even a subject that concerns me.

The letting go element of this course is really hitting home now. Each time I have a challenge big or small I now just let it be.

Today I flew with Ryan Air, it was only a short flight to Dublin but my goodness what a potentially stressful situation that could have been for me. The queues to get through security, the security point when you are all bunched up together trying to get your coat, your shoes and your bags into plastic containers and then the
worry that your baggage isn't going to fit in the overhead lockers.

I had the attitude of I am so happy I am flying to Dublin, I am going to be pleasant to all the staff I meet at the airport and what ever happens I will be in Dublin later today.  I kept telling myself nothing else matters.  It worked.

I am in Dublin writing, I've walked along the Liffey and it's true the Guinness does taste better here!

Lesson 24

I took my son to church this morning. It's something I do once a month as our local church holds a service which is designed just for children. To be honest it's more of a social occasion for the children and for us villagers to chat over a cup of tea. The theme of today's session was the Lords Prayer. The lady leading the group of children examined and broke down the prayer in a child friendly way and looked at exactly what it meant.

Listening to her explain the meaning behind the prayer made me think about the journey I am taking. She explained prayer was either being thankful, asking for help or rejoicing. There is nothing in the prayer which represents anger, being hurtful or seeking revenge which is often what our minds and even our actions do. Prayer is also a time of being at peace, which is exactly what I am looking for in my own mind.

Lesson 24 introduces a concept that I do not perceive my own best interests. When I think about situations that are troubling me, I obviously haven't been dealing them in the right way otherwise they wouldn't be an issue.

Although last Friday I had a situation that could have escalated and probably would have caused a lot of fall out and tension for some time. I have chosen to acknowledge the situation but now I have let it go. By doing this someone has got away with doing something hurtful and disrespectful to me but I am no longer worring about it and I am no longer flooded with feelings of seeking justice. The problem has gone. Could it come back again? Possibly. Does that person now see me as a walk over? Probably. But their view of me is not my concern. I just want what is best for my mind and now I don't have days and days on end of worry and upset. So I ultimately have what I am looking for which is of cause peace.

Lesson 23

I am no expert in retraining your mind and I am no high flying scholar in the world of spirituality. I am just a regular person who went through a terrible time and couldn't deal with it in my mind. It was a moment of crisis and I couldn't find a way out. I am taking this journey as it is something that I feel found me and it was the universes way of showing me a different option, an alternative way of thinking.

I found a quote by Alan Cohen today which said 'You know you have meditated well if, when you open your eyes, the world looks different'. This morning as I was taking my dog out for his morning walk everything did look different. The sky was a lovely shade of blue, the trees were beautiful and the fields looked lush. My mind was clear, I felt good and I was thinking about Lesson 23. Today's lesson continues the theme of giving up 'attacking thoughts'. I have to be honest the attacking thoughts I began to think yesterday have gone and I am beginning to understand the concept of leaving them behind.

Sometimes when you would like something small coincidences happen to make it happen with out you even trying. For example there's a women who lives in the village I live in and she is adorable. I have always thought what a good friend she could be. I have so many friends but they all live so far away, I have none in the village. Today there was a village fete and my son won a prize in the raffle. The raffle was drawn after we had left, so we had no idea the prize was ours until there was a knock at our front door. It was the women I have just mentioned hand delivering the box of chocolates my son had won. I invited her in for a cup of tea, how incredibly English, and we chatted for ages and have now swapped phone numbers, whilst my son devoured the chocolates.  I have a feeling she is going to be a good friend.

Strange how it always works out.

Lesson 22

It's strange how today's lesson corresponds with my mood. I strongly believe if I hadn't had this exact lesson this morning my experience of today would not have been positive and could have even thrown me backwards.

As soon as I opened up the book and read the top line of Lesson 22 I knew it's exactly what I needed. Today's lesson is all about people who have thoughts of attack. I'm sure that doesn't mean physical attack but rather thoughts of verbal and images of attack.

I have 2 issues ongoing, one personal and one work related and both really escalated this morning and I was having some extreme thoughts about both. The lesson teaches that those thoughts are really just self defence and a way of trying to escape. That's exactly how I felt earlier today, the idea of running away and avoiding these outstanding issues felt very tempting. The work issue had to be solved by 1pm and I did something I have never done before, I worked calmly on resolving the problem and just kept looking at the time and believing that the solution to the problem would be found in how many hours it was until 1pm. I didn't doubt it, I believed it would be. By Midday everything was sorted and all the stress and energy I would have usually wasted wasn't.

I saw a Tweet today which said 'Chaos always precedes a major change' I have been thinking about this for a number of hours today and in a peculiar way I am therefore grateful the chaos happened and although the chaos hasn't completely died down and the major change has exactly happened I can feel both are heading in the right direction.