Lesson 80

Lesson 80 continues from yesterday. It states that once you have identified your problems, your problems will be resolved.

Whilst I agree looking at your problems in a different way and seeing them not as problems but as something else will help, I'm not sure all problems can just magically disappear overnight!

I understand looking at any aspect of your life with different eyes and a fresh perspective will help and will make a lot of problems seem nowhere near as bad as they were before I don't believe that all problems can be solved in that way.

Some extreme circumstances can not be sorted out overnight. For example many years ago when I owed a significant amount of money on a credit card and I was worrying about it none stop I turned it into a game rather than a problem. I played a game with myself on how little I could live on each month so that I could pay more and more off my credit card bill. The problem wasn't a problem whilst I was playing the game but I was contemplating if someone was in so much financial debt and they had court letters issued or the threat of losing their house then playing 'a game' like I did potentially wouldn't make their troubles disappear especially overnight!

Many argue that over spending isn't a case of someone mismanaging money or someone being greedy, it's deeper than that. It's the use of money to forget the real pain in their life. Some people use drugs, some use alcohol, many use food but many use money to forget what's really going on. That's the problem that needs to be identified. Sometimes it is not that easy to search deep inside to find out why our problems really exist.

I am now entering a 10 day period of review.

Lesson 79

Lesson 79 is about recognising your problems so they can be solved.

Often we are carrying around feelings or do stuff which aren't causing us happiness. I know lots of people who detest their jobs and it makes them miserable Monday to Friday and live for the weekend only. The solutions are either change your job (not always that simple) or change your view of the job. If you have a terrible manager who treats you badly, change your view. Know the reason they are treating you like they are is their issue and not really a reflection on you but a reflection on them. Once you really believe that honestly it does get better.

I was listening again to Mike Dooley on Hay House Radio today and he was talking about carrying out actions for the right reasons and not purley for the selfish reasons which only serve the ego. For example if you are invited to a party you know there are going to be lots of people whom could help you with your business or career, why are you saying yes? Is it purley for the reason you can charm the one person who can elevate your status or are you going to see what happens, but ultimately because you know you will have a good time and be happy.

Lesson 78

Today the reason revolves around grievances and miracles. It attempts to teach that there is always a choice between a grievance or a miracle.

When something challenging rears its ugly head my tendancy is to panic and let my mind go into overdrive about all the disasterous things that could happen as a result. For example about six months ago my working hours changed. I had to start just half an hour earlier which to most people wouldn't be a big deal but for me it was. It involved more childcare costs, logistics about getting to work and also psychologically my alarm going off at 2.45am rather than 3.15am was difficult. I spent weeks getting upset, angry and frustrated but the changes happened regardless of all my wasted energy. In that situation I chose grievance. In reality yes financially I am worse off and yes I am even more tired in the week than I was before but it hasn't ruined me. What it has done is force me to see things differently and accept that changes will happen and I must deal with them differently.

It's also made me appreciated my time more, be more organised in the evening so I go to bed earlier enough to deal with the ridiculously early alarm clock and overall look after my health.

Change often presents itself as a scary and ugly situation but usually in change there is an underlying message and one we must trust will lead us to a better path if we could just see it as a good thing rather than a grievance.

Lesson 77

Lesson 77 is all about miracles. I told myself all day, as the lesson demanded, that I am entitled to miracles.

What is a miracle? I guess that depends on your definition. Some people would see a miracle as simple things, like having the sun on their back or having the laughter of loved ones around them. Others may only see a miracle as a load of money suddenly appearing in front of them. I guess you have to decide what sort of person you are or who you want to be.

I had an ordinary day, I went to work, came home, took the dog for a walk and went to bed. So where were the miracles that I am expecting? They are really easy to identify really and it's a bit like be grateful. I had the most beautiful evening walk, lots of sunshine and gorgeous scenery and I met a new neighbour. She is a similar age to me and we had a lovely chat. Were these simple things miracles? By some peoples definition, no way! But now I see simplicity is the key to being happy then yes they were.

Lesson 76

Today's lesson concentrates on letting life unfold naturally. Letting be what is meant to be.

Accepting that worrying about a situation will never change the outcome is something I have started to do recently. In fact I think that worry is one of the most pointless emotions but one that nearly everyone does frequently. Worry won't change anything, the outcome will always be the same. I am so guilty of spending hours worrying about something. Which is an absolute waste of time.

Can you imagine spending weeks or even months worrying about something when the outcome won't change, what an absolute waste of time! If anything, I believe that consent worry about something could actually make the situation worse. If you are worrying about losing a job for example then it more than likely will make you under perform at work and you are therefore likely to lose it than someone who stays focused and positive.

I look back at so many situations both professionally and personally and now realise that my worry has made the situation so much worse and caused long term damage. I reflect with sadness, but these mistakes won't be made again my myself.

Tomorrows lesson is entitled 'I am entitled to miracles' I am intrigued and excited about it!

Lesson 75

I like Lesson 75, it encourages to let go of the past and any ill feelings and concentrate on happiness. There is also a strong focus on forgiveness.

The more I take these lessons, the more I understand that simplicity is everything. Not dwelling on the past, or having constant thoughts and worry's about the future is the way forward. I go out for walks more, but I no longer go out for walks to clear my mind, as when I walk I already have a clear mind and I look around and appreciate my surroundings. Yes that sounds cliched, but honestly try it, go for a walk, in a city, town, countryside or wherever you like and just look around you. Don't think about anything other than appreciating your surroundings. If you don't feel good afterwards let me know!

Of course I still get annoyed, only yesterday I saw something online, on someone's social media page which really made me mad....but I absorbed it for far less time than I would have done before and now, only a day later, I am actually laughing at the irony of the post. Other peoples issues are just that, theirs and from now on-wards other peoples inability to see me for who I am is no longer my concern, my only concern is my success and happiness.

Lessson 74

Lesson 74 is all about letting everything happen, letting life flow and accepting that every experience happens for a reason, good or bad. The bad stuff is there for clarity of what you really want and keeping you away from negativity.

The key really is to keep yourself happy. When the hurtful times hit you and we all know every single person goes through sad times the challenge is to accept it and trust it's happened for a reason. What the reason is will come clear eventually but at the time don't get bogged down in the misery but embrace the change as it will force you into the right direction.

It's so easy to say this from an outsiders view, but I have myself said and heard other people say so many times 'I have no idea why I was so upset' or variations along that theme. With respect to every 'bad' situation that has happened to me, every single time it has eventually lead to a better situation.

I have never been very patient and I do believe that's one of my down falls, I like to move quickly and I can appear not to be satisfied and always looking for more. But since slowing down and living in every moment more, I am finding that I am appreciating more simplicity.

I am sure that by emptying the mind of all the crazy day to day noise, there is space for the simple things in life to be appreciated and gratitude equals contentment.

Lesson 73

Lesson 73 essentially is choosing happiness over everything else. It also stresses that holding onto any sadness, anger or bitterness is a choice and at any moment you can choose to let go and make the decision to be happy.

I often find when I am sad it is easy to stay in that place, being upset and moaning about my current situation is the easy option. Finding a way to get myself out of that place is often hard work, but surely hard work is not an bad thing when the prize is happiness.

I was asked earlier this morning how my weekend went and I replied it was really lovely. For the first time in ages I truly meant it. The person asked why it was so good and I couldn't really explain, I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, just walked the dog, went to the park with my son and the local town centre and browsed around the shops. The difference was I did everything with gratitude and stayed in the moment. Usually at the weekend I just worry about Monday morning and I worry about catching up with my sleep. I didn't worry this weekend at all and it was lovely.

Lesson 72

Today's lesson is long! Most lessons are about a page long but this one is 4 pages, but what I like about it is that it combines letting go of listening to the ego, letting go of control and introducing meditation.

Before taking these lessons I wanted control of everything. All areas of my life I had to feel totally in control of otherwise I would feel totally unbalanced and I wouldn't be happy. Now that is not true, although I haven't let go of everything, which on a year long course I don't expect everything to be perfect at this stage, I have let situations flow much better without my interference or meddling!

I saw a lovely picture today of a man and a dog walking in the countryside. The picture showed both of their thoughts, the mans was full of worries and issues, whereas the dogs was just of the countryside in front of him.

As I looked at the picture I thought I don't think I could sum it up any better myself. Live in the moment, always.

Lesson 71

Today the lesson continues on yesterday's theme of happiness coming from within but it also brings in ego.

I can particularly relate to this line from the lesson which is talking about how the ego thinks. 'If someone else spoke or acted differently, if some external circumstance or event were changed, you would be saved'. The lesson identifies these thoughts demands everyone and everything else to change except yourself. If I think about it like that then of course it is ridiculous to believe that I can be happy via someone else or a different set of circumstances.

Equally external change can't make me unhappy. If something is changed or taken away then I must change my view on the situation and not let it disturb my calm or upset my internal feelings.

I have a challenging couple of weeks ahead, lots of changes are heading my way, so let's see if I can keep my balance along the way!

Lesson 70

Finally a lesson I find straight forward, helpful and a reminder of the truth.

Essentially lesson 70 is all about the only way you will find happiness, which is from within. Absolutely nothing else will make you happy. Not one person, one situation or one lottery win will make you truly happy.

I do feel passionately about this, if you put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak, then whatever it is that you think makes you happy goes away your whole world will come crashing down. Of course there will be times when you are sad or upset or feel lonely, but the trick is not to let that be all self consuming and be grateful for every thing else you have around you.

I am a big fan of Esther Hicks and I have an audio CD of hers which is permanently in my car so I listen to it over and over again. On that CD she talks about having one problem and by moving circumstances or job or even country you will still have that same problem, OK it may be in a different form but that problem will always rear its ugly head. The solution is to make that problem not a problem anymore. Change your view of the problem, see it from different angles, see it as a challenge or a blessing.

There is always a solution to every problem and I find that being grateful for everything you do have is a good mindset to solve anything.

Lesson 69

Today in the lesson there's an exercise which claims is able to clear the mind of grievances. Dutifully I followed the instructions. I had to visualize the mind full of dark clouds and then I had to think about those clouds clearing to see light. I tried and although it hasn't cleared my thoughts of all grievances it's certainly a good exercise to make me feel lighter and my thoughts less frantic.

Lots has happened today, just small and insignificant things to other people, but in the past situations which would have really annoyed me and potentially put me in a bad mood. People turning up late, a lorry pulled out onto a roundabout which could have caused me to hit him, situations at work etc, but I chose to not let any of these situations get to me. I chose to keep myself in a good place and let the feelings of annoyance go straight away.

I have only realised I am no doing this sub consciously today. So something is definitely working!

Lesson 68

Lesson 68 is about letting go of grievances. In the same way as forgiving is healthy for the mind, so is releasing any grievances. I don't want to admit this, but I sometimes do hold grudges, so I guess this is definitely one for me to work on!

I'm good at forgiving but not truly forgetting. Thinking about this, which I haven't done before in detail, I can see that it obviously is damaging. It's just as bad as not forgiving. Today's lesson states not letting go of grievances will only lead to guilt.

So that's what I have been working on, it's going to be a long road, as I clearly have some grievances which are more deep routed than others, but I know it's for my benefit. Tomorrows lesson, follows on the same theme so hopefully there will be more progress.

I have been listening to Tony Robbins a lot today, just felt I needed his honest approach, today's lesson has given me a bit of a wobble, I've found something that hasn't been easy to let go of.

I was feeling quite unsure of myself until he said something that really hit me.

"Change is inevitable but progress is optional"

There is a choice, always and I have chosen this path and it's one I am sticking to, wobbles or not!

Lesson 67

Lesson 67 is a reminder that we should be full of kindness, helpfulness and holiness. I'm not quite sure about the holiness bit, although the book was put together in the 1970's so I am presuming that the word had a slightly different meaning.

Dr Wayne Dyer has spoken many times about how if we are full of the good stuff, like love, kindness and forgiveness then that's all we can be. If we are void of the bad stuff like anger and hate then we can't give or equally receive it. He spoke beautifully about living calmly and peacefully and the more love you give out the more you will receive.

I am finding in general that I am reacting differently to circumstances. I drive a lot and I have in the past been annoyed by other road users, only yesterday I was nearly driven into twice! Usually I would be beeping the horn and getting annoyed but I just quietly said thank you that my reactions were quick enough to avoid the collision.

Lesson 66

Todays lesson continues on the theme of happiness and knowing that happiness isn't through the ego.

It has made me examine some of the times of my life when I was unhappy. Apart from times of grief, which I do believe one has to have times of sadness to grieve, all other times the reason I was most upset was because my ego was dented, damaged or deflated.

Taking other peoples decisions personally will ultimately lead to unhappiness. I can see how by me taking so many decisions personally has damaged me and now looking back it was nothing to do with me.

Decisions at work, decisions friends and family have made have ultimately been their issue or problem. The smallest of  situations have previously upset me, for example last week at work someone organised a Starbucks coffee run and forgot about me. Yes I was upset as a skinny late from Starbucks is my favorite coffee but I wasn't upset I was forgotten, where as before that would be what I focused on. I would have grumbled about it all day and if I am to be honest it would have put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

I often get people moaning at me on social media, more than often it's because when someone gets stuck on a train or on a motorway I seem to be an easy person to vent frustration on. I read the messages but then move on. I understand why people do it, I don't agree with it, but I absolutely don't take it personally. Times in the past I have thought about deleting accounts or quitting social media completely but why should I because a handful of people feel the need to moan at me.

Happiness is....not taking anything personally!

Lesson 65

I have been doing a lot of reading regarding living in the moment and gratitude. Living in the moment means you really have to give up the concept of time. To buy into the concept that just the 'now' exists is a really difficult one and to be honest I still haven't completely got my head around it!

I understand that all that matters is the now, the past has gone and the future hasn't happened and may or may not be anything like predicted so there's no point in worring about it. I find the living in the now easier at the weekend and easier when life is at a slower pace. When at work I find I am constently rushing from one thing to the next without appreciation for the moment and I do worry whether things will be achieved. I am aware though of my weak times so that's where I am to focus my energys next week.

As for gratitude, I am thankful constantly and I do count my blessings daily, but it's always good to remind oneself to do so.

Today's lesson is related to what I have been researching. It's about reminding me to think only of the good, to be think about being happy rather than seeing the bad. Remembering to only love and forgive.

It's a concept to live by, albeit a difficult one, being only that of love. Other emotions are so ready to bubble up to the surface especially during difficult times. But if you try to embrace love as the only emotion inside its certainly a start.

Lesson 64

I have to be honest, today's lesson has baffled me! The beginning of the lesson states that the lesson is just another way of saying 'Let me not wonder into temptation' I've read the lesson over and over again but I really don't see what I am supposed to be getting out of it!

Whilst browsing through a book shop today I saw a book which claimed to have rewritten A course in miracles into easier language, maybe that was a sign for me! It can be a difficult read at times, I frequently have to read the lesson three or four times before I know what I am doing!

Today I saw a quote from Dr Wayne Dyer

"Love is my gift to the world. I fill myself with love, and I send that love out into the world. How others treat me is their path; how I react is mine"

My first reaction was how I wish I had lived to this mantra before, but I then remembered the past is in the past and that's where it should remain. No regrets. Therefore the only thing I can do is live like this in the present moment and stick to it no matter what challenging situations I find myself in.

Lesson 63

Lesson 63 is yet another in forgiveness although today goes a step further and talks about forgiveness bringing peace of mind.

Whist I was reading about peace of mind I considered how my mind is so much calmer. 63 days in and there is definitely an improvement, obviously there is going to be the odd wobble, but by not listening to my ego, living for the moment and trusting what is happening is for the good, I can honestly say I am finding life simpler and not so chaotic.

Over the last few weeks my mind has been clear. Previously I had constant thoughts flying around my mind with conflicting thoughts constantly going around and around, honestly it was non stop. Today whilst traveling home on the underground my mind started to become noisy again. I read about a technique a few weeks ago to instantly stop this. So I closed my eyes and meditated, it was suggested that the best meditation to do when your mind is racing is to recit a poem or a song or anything you know off my heart and say it slowly over and over again and guess what, it worked!

I now have an emergency button to stop that horrid out of control mind racing chaos! If that is the only thing I get from this course, which I sure it won't be, it will be worth it.

Lesson 62

Lesson 62 revolves around forgiveness.

I actually have a slightly different view on forgiveness. I actually only give forgiveness to those I care about. Those who are unkind to me and I have no feelings towards, there is nothing to forgive. They haven't betrayed me or been disloyal, they mean nothing to me so their unkind actions are nothing to me. Those who gossip or unfairly speak of others are the ones with the issues, the ones who attack you without even getting to know you are equally the ones with the issue. Therefore there is nothing to forgive.

I always forgive those I care about. I forgive for two reasons. Firstly if I don't it's me ultimately who suffers and secondly absolutely everyone makes mistakes, I don't think anyone deliberately sets to hurt someone who they care about. It's the mistakes which hurt but they usually hurt because they have damaged the ego.

Pain, hurt and playing the victim can be addictive but is that ultimately going to lead to happiness? Forgiving is therapeutic and also gives you the power to restore the happy state of mind you deserve.

I am reading for the first time an Eckhart Tolle book and his words are very powerful this so far is my  favourite...

"Sometimes letting go is a far greater act of power than defending or hanging on"

Lesson 61

After the review the lessons are now moving into a new direction. Today's lesson is to think about yourself as being connected to source and moving away from thoughts of arrogance which therefore is distancing your mind from ego.

Earlier this morning I was driving to work and a motorway slip road was closed for roadworks, the closure meant a lengthy diversion route potentially making me late for work. When I first saw the cones blocking my way I was annoyed, I was angry there had been no warning signs and this slip road had only been closed a few weeks earlier! As I was driving on the diversion route I realised where the annoyance was coming from, it was my ego blaming others for my mistake. I should always leave the house a few minutes earlier as there is always the possibility of last moment roadworks overnight and I was really kicking myself for not checking, in this world it's not exactly difficult to quickly check if there are roadworks.

My ego lashed out and blamed others when it was my mistake. Once I identified that my ego had taken over, I was fine. Calm took over again and my ego was pushed away!

On the way home from work there was a large accident in front of me. Firstly I was relieved I wasn't involved and secondly I knew I was going to stuck there for a while and rather than get annoyed I remembered something I had read from Dr Wayne Dyer earlier. He said when he was stuck in traffic he would meditate. Well I wasn't going to go to that extent but I took that moment to be quiet and contemplate how I narrowly missed being involved in an accident and I was grateful.

Always find a positive in a negative!

Review 1 (Lesson 51 - 60)

I have been in the review stage, I have taken ny time reflecting as I think it's important to take stock slowly. Coincidentally I have had a week off work and spent time relaxing at my parents house.

Not rushing around from one thing to another this week, has helped me gather my thoughts and reflect on exactly what has been happening to me since the start of the course.

I have certainly been living in the moment more. I have made a conscious decision to stop thinking about what is happening in an hour, or later that day or the next day, next week etc. It has made me enjoy every moment and be grateful for what I have. By noticing my surroundings and being aware of my feelings it has definitely improved my moods.

I had a lovely day out a couple of days ago, just my son and I at a local farm, rather than what I would normally do, which is to worry about the evening, the following day, the housework that isn't being done whilst I am out and worry about getting up so early on the Monday morning for another week at work. I just chilled out and savored every moment. It's really hard to live in the 'now' but when you do, it works. Life just seems good.

Not everything is perfect, obviously, but the improvement I have made so far is vast and I am so positive that things will get even better.

Back to the lessons tomorrow, reflection time over!