Lesson 6

Yesterday I finished my blog entry on a negative note, yet whilst writing I felt quite positive.

I am wondering if giving up negativity and retraining my thoughts is a bit like detoxing or giving up smoking. If you give something up like sugar you find your skin goes weird for a while, mine goes all spotty and blotchy, so I am thinking that maybe during this process all the bad stuff in my head needs to be released somehow. Today I am feeling teary, for no reason in particular. I know if someone asked me if I am OK, I know I would just burst into tears. I have felt on and off all day as 'out of sorts' I can't seem to pin point why today is so different and at times difficult.

Lesson 6 is to say to myself that 'I am upset because I see something that is not there'

I often take things personally and when decisions are made that I don't agree with or dislike rather than see the reality of the choice someone has made, I look at it as personal attack and dramatise the whole situation.

Yet again when I arrived at work this morning my desk area was a mess - the worst being an empty sandwich carton with the crusts left in! This time I took a breath picked it up and took it to the bin, although I did make it known to my work colleagues what I was doing, but compared to yesterday's melt down over the rubbish, I am improving!

In that situation the real reason I am upset is not because I have to move someone's rubbish (which takes seconds) but somewhere deep down I believe someone has left the rubbish there with no respect for me. Of course that's not true, the person who left it there probably doesn't know my name as we work totally different hours. The sad reality is they just think that their mess isn't their issue and someone will clear up after them.

I am finding the lessons slightly clearer and telling myself the mantra of the day has helped me get through today better than I probably would have done if I hadn't been on the course. Even so let's hope the litter bug doesn't return tomorrow!