Lesson 3

I am stubborn, as stubborn as they come. When I set my mind to something I will do it. My New Years resolution was to lose 2 and a half stone by my 40th birthday which is in July. I said I would fast every other day. On fasting days I only eat 500 calories. It's been hard but I've stuck to it and so far lost nearly 2 stone.

When I decided to start this spiritual journey I know as a stubborn old mule I would stick with it for the whole year, but today I am having doubts.

Today's lesson, lesson 3 is to look around my environment as the previous 2 days and declare I do not understand anything. I must do this without questioning it. I'm a curious person and I like meaning behind everything, so I am questioning how I can say this to myself. But I have done my best to clear my mind for a couple of minutes and do as I am told!

My concern is none of these lessons are going to make sense and I am going to go through them day by day to no effect. There's one thing in life which really upsets me when I put my trust in someone or something and then I'm let down, it doesn't happen frequently but when it does, it blooming hurts me and it then takes me time to build trust again.

I guess I want results after 3 days, which considering the course is 365 days long, I guess I am asking for the impossible and being impatient. As Abraham Hick states 'Believe it before you see it'

Maybe I am already seeing results for example, my son was camping last night with his school and I was home alone. This is the first time he has done such an activity let alone with out his parents. I have had mixed emotions about him being away, worry, acceptance he is getting older, joy that I have an evening to myself and guilt that I feel like that! But last night I was calm and took an advantage of an early night and had a great sleep. The theory of it's waste of time and energy worrying about something before it even happens is starting to hit home.

I've had a sneaky look at lesson 4 and I'm feeling more at ease as it seems the last 3 days lessons will become clearer, so here's to tomorrow.