I am convinced this journey is improving my mind albeit slowly but at the same time I am convinced it is a detox for my mental state and I am paying for it today. I have had such a bad headache and I am sure it is my mind cleansing itself. I'm not sure how else to describe it, but I know things are starting to change.
Today my son was in our local towns carnival, he was representing his football team. We had to be there 45 minutes before the procession started, as more and more children gathered the noise level grew and every child was on arrival given a whistle, yes a whistle. The noise level became unbearable and other groups also involved in the carnival complained but I stayed perfectly calm, even with a stinking headache, I almost didn't reconise myself! Usually I would be totally neurotic that my son would go missing from the parade or snatched out of the group of children or any other unlikely scenario but today although I kept a close eye on him, I didn't feel my anxiety rise at all. I gave him space but I made sure he was safe, am I finally finding balance?
Today's lesson is similar to yesterday's but I am today to tell myself my thoughts do not mean anything. The idea is to accept past thoughts are just that and not present. I do this with my eyes closed and a couple of times feel good about certain thoughts not meaning anything but then others I feel a bit guilty about because they are good thoughts, but of course there should be no separation between good and bad.
Tomorrows lesson claims to be a 'major phase of the correction process' so I better go to sleep early and shift this headache and be ready!
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